<<Image Description: A graphic with a photo for every month of the year reads “Elisa Jeann, Year in Review.”>>

Oh my word this year was wild! I entered 2024 anticipating a cross-country move, but not knowing exactly where I would end up, or exactly when. At the end of February, I made the move via roadtrip with my dad and cat, and the year just took off from there.

This year has tested my sanity like no other, but has also been a year of self-reflection and realization. Before December (now January) comes to a close, I thought I would take some time to share a few things I discovered along the way.

1. I am not a country girly

For years, I’ve had this fantasy of living on a ranch with a horse or two, some goats and chickens, and maybe even a husband. So when I moved to rural Virginia, where the nearest city was a 40-minute drive, and the forest went on for miles, I was excited for this new venture.

That sentiment lasted maybe a month and then my mental health took a turn. In the wrong direction.

Without the ability to drive I was essentially stranded in unfamiliar territory with nowhere to go except the nearby creek and our friends next door. I spent most days with just Simon (my cat) for company, in a little apartment, wondering if it was better to stay home and ruminate about my uncertain future, or brave the abismal housing market day after day with my mother.

To my disappointment, the surrounding nature and visits with friends, were not enough to keep my spirits above sea level. So I wrapped up my writing projects and house hunted with mom all over the state. And my depression gradually lifted.

We eventually moved to an apartment in a different part of the state to continue our house search. This time the apartment was right on the main street of town, within walking distance to coffee shops, restaurants, a movie theater and even a used bookstore. I had places to go again, where I didn’t have to fear wondering by myself.

As the two-blocks-away train would go by, or the alarm would go off to call the volunteer firefighters, I would marvel at how much more comfortable I was there, than in the quiet of the woods.

I guess I’m a city girl.

2. I have the power to regulate my nervous system

I’ve spent the good majority of the past decade in survival mode- doing whatever I could to curb pain, dizziness, nausea, etc. And if I couldn’t mitigate the disaster happing inside of me, I would dissociate. I would separate my mind from my body so I could get through the day and, well, survive.

Trying to convince my body that it’s now safe has been hard. Really hard. And for the past couple years, my dysregulated nervous system has been a barrier to fully healing my neurological problems.

My nervous system was so ramped up that introducing new therapies, especially manual ones, had my body on “23-19” alarm, causing flare ups and even involuntary limb movements.

This year’s move only added to my hyperarousal, so when the opportunity arose to take a course on nervous system regulation, you bet your bottom dollar I signed up!

Before the course began participants were prompted to describe the relationship between their bodies and brains. I wrote, “It feels one sided. My brain is working so hard and not getting anything in return.” When the question was asked again at the end of the course I wrote, “We are a team!”

I won’t go into full detail here on my take-aways from the course, but I will say that I am now able to recognize signs of dyregulation when they occur, and get my body and brain back into a state of safety.

3. I don’t need to dread the fall anymore

For years the end of summer ushered a season of emotional upheaval. As the Santa Ana winds blew into town, so did my old friends all-consuming grief and post-traumatic stress. Read more about this season here.

So instead of having to endure the months of September and October, my wish for years was to fast forward my life to Thanksgiving and the holiday season. Breeze past my birthday, speed by the anniversary of the fateful concussion, and skip over the date where I had to say goodbye to my international missionary dreams, and return to the states.

My family and friends would try their best to make the season more bearable for me, but I hated those months all the same.

Not this year though. This year there was no dread. No devistation. No angst. And in looking back I think it’s because I was busy living life.

I was settling into life in a new house, town, church and community. I joined a choir, and singing weekly brought unexpected joy and peace into my routine. I went on a trip to Atlanta to see friends and then a trip to NYC. And October I spent with my closest friend, taking care of her infant twins.

I guess I’d moved away from mourning my old life and old dreams, and moved on to living my new reality and looking to the future.

It was time.

4. I’m ready to start working for a wage again

As I type this paragraph it’s January 20th, which means it’s 20 days past when I wanted to have this up on my site. But my mental energies in December went to practicing choir pieces for the Christmas concert and applying to freelance jobs.

And I’m happy to report that applying turned into working! I now have a small freelance position and have been working a couple hours a week.

To my surprise those few hours have taken a lot out of me and I haven’t had much energy for creative endeavors. So I’m hoping I can get this post published before February, but who knows?

Anyway, I knew I was ready to start working a job with paid compensation when I had the stamina to sit at my desk and work on my iPad for more than an hour at a time, while still being able to maintain my health and community-focused lifestyle.

It’s taken a long time to get here and I know it’s going to take a while to work up to more hours per week, but I’m so excited to be where I am.

For more details and to follow my back-to-work journey, check out my Instagram @itselisajeann.

I hope you’re able to look back at 2024 and recognize the bright spots and personal growth as well!

Love Always,

Elisa